Love, Loss and Pain
by Pip0937
Summary: This is basically my take on things after Carrie and Walt start house-sitting Larissa's loft. Please review, I've suffered major writers block for 3 years and want to fix any errors I may have.
1. Manhattan Life

**I don't own any of the characters or settings in which this story takes place. I only own my plotline and maybe a few characters in the future.**

Sometimes we let go of people, not because we want to but, because we need to. There are only so many times one can bend over for people before they've had enough. That is why I was so happy dad agreed to let me and Walt house-sit Larissa's loft. I was glad to get away from Sebastian and Maggie. After their betrayal I just couldn't face them. I know Walt was happy to get away as well, after what Maggie said to him I just knew he needed to get away. When I asked him how he got his parents to agree he told me that they had thought that letting him fend for himself for a short while would give him a brief taste of the real world and help as an adjustment for when he went off to college. Walt told me he was so happy that he could get away from them and their expectations of him and his future. Maggie's reaction scared him, if this was how someone whom loved him before finding out treated him then how was he going to tell his parents? The ones who raised him and had high expectations and a future set out for him. Being in Manhattan all summer was going to be amazing. Bennet even came by some evenings with takeout because he wanted to watch out for us. That and Larissa told my dad that she would have one of her people look out for us in case anything happened. I was glad it was Bennet, and I think Walt was too.

Living in Manhattan was amazing, and even if I wasn't paid to be the receptionist Larissa still made sure that when freebies came that I took her place as first to get what I wanted. In the past week alone I got three new dresses, a whole set of MAC makeup (brushes and all) and four pairs of Jimmy Choo's. This is why I LOVE Interview and Larissa, she treated me like I was poor Cinderella and she's my fairy godmother. Walt managed to get a job at the grocery store down the road from Larissa's loft and at lunch he brought up lunch for Bennet and I. That was my favourite time of the day, simply because I was surrounded by my Manhattan family. Today was my day off so Walt and I decided to just walk around for a while trying to get acquainted with the city and all its marvels. We found this amazing hotdog stand last week and we were heading back there for lunch. It was right by Central Park so we decided to walk around while we ate. On our way back though we bumped into someone I never thought I would bump into. George Silver. He was the last person that I had ever wanted to see.

After what he put me through I don't think I could forgive him. I thought he was a nice guy who was interested in me but no, he was only interested in bedding me. My virginity is sacred to me. I wasn't going to be like Donna La Donna. I had respect for myself and my body, I wanted someone who wouldn't just use me and then run away. Mum used to tell me that if a boy didn't respect my wishes then he clearly wasn't worth my love. George didn't respect my wishes and for that I knew that he wasn't worthy. And here he was, right in front of me again. "Hello Carrie." He said looking right at me just as he had before that night. He looked the same, dressed the same and carried himself the same, "Hello George, goodbye George." I said looking at him and then walking around him and away. I hoped to god I never saw him again.

"Carrie. Wait; please let me talk to you." He yelled, chasing after me. Great, just what I needed. I only just got away from one ex and I didn't plan to spend time with another. "Go away George. I'm not interested; please just leave me alone. I came here to get away from crappy exes and you fit the bill." I told him as I turned to look at him and then carried myself away. Walt was already standing not too far away waiting for me to catch up. As soon as I caught up to him we walked back to the loft. Once we were inside I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Walt knew I probably wanted to be alone so he left to go watch television. What was George's problem? Why did he want to talk to me? What could he possibly want to say to me that he was so desperate to chase me down a Manhattan street when I denied him a chance to talk? All I knew was he was one of those guys that are nice until you deny them anything. His ego was too big for me to deal with and I never want to deal with it again. I already had enough on my plate with Maggie and Sebastian; I don't need to add another person to that list.

After having a bit of a breather I walked into the kitchen and pondered what Walt and I should make for dinner. I just want to stop having to worry about my exes and live my life without any worry. Is that so much to ask? I looked up from the bench to see Walt. He was looking at me worried. Why wouldn't he be? I did just run into the ex that tried to make me have sex with him when I had told him I wasn't ready.

"Carrie, how are you feeling? I know that must have been rough to see that jerk." He looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes Maggie used to gush about back when they first started dating. "I'm fine Walt, really. I just want to forget today even happened. Is that okay?" I said looking back at him with what I presume was the same look Walt was giving me because next thing I know he was at my side pulling me into a hug.

What is it with the guys in my life? Either they're cruel under the nice or they're Walt and Bennet. Either way I don't think I want to date for a while. Sebastian tore a hole in my heart and it hurt because earlier that week he had told me he loved me. If I hadn't of screwed up and said I love you back earlier then maybe I wouldn't be in this mess.

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	2. Surprise, Surprise

_Previously: _

_What is it with the guys in my life? Either they're cruel under the nice or they're Walt and Bennet. Either way I don't think I want to date for a while. Sebastian tore a hole in my heart and it hurt because earlier that week he had told me he loved me. If I hadn't of screwed up and said I love you back earlier then maybe I wouldn't be in this mess_.

Meanwhile back in Castlebury Connecticut.

Mouse P.O.V

I just knew this summer was going to be a drag without Walt and Carrie, don't get me wrong I love spending time with West but I missed my friends. Maggie was MIA and as worried about her I also knew that what she did was wrong. What she needs is space. I know she is confused about everything, with all of us going on about what we wanted to do after school I know that she is the only one out of us that hasn't said anything and I know that worries her too. I mean what happens when Carrie goes to Manhattan, I to an Ivy League school and Walt to Dartmouth like his parents want him to? Will she be the only one left here to fend for herself? I felt bad knowing this. It felt weird sitting in the diner booth on my own but over the years it became our group's safe haven, like no matter what we'd be safe here. Well I did feel safe until Sebastian walked in and headed straight for me.

After all I did to help him he still went and cheated with Maggie. Who says they love someone and then make out with their friend? Granted Carrie was pissed at him for keeping her dads date a secret but still, Carrie isn't like most people. I looked up in time to see him sitting across from me in the booth. Well that's just great. "What do you want Sebastian?" I asked giving him my usual 'I'm not in the mood' looks. He just smiled at me with his perfect teeth and then started talking, "I'm looking for Carrie. I've tried looking everywhere she hangs out and this was my last resort. Please Mouse, I need to talk to her. Mouse, I love her. I can't lose her." He looked at me and next thing I knew he was laying on his arms in defeat. "Who am I kidding Mouse, I screwed up big time, I don't know what came over me. Maggie and I were talking over a few drinks about how we screwed up with those we love and next thing I knew we were making out. We stopped as soon as we started but I still did it and I feel like a major douche. Carrie's been nothing but amazing the whole time we've dated and then I had to screw up and hide her dads secret and then it all blew up in my face all because I tried not to hurt Carrie." He was slumped in his seat.

I couldn't help but see the love he held for Carrie and how I wanted to help him even though what he did was bad. I don't have any idea why I did what I did next but, "She isn't in town for the summer Sebastian, she's in Manhattan working and doing a favour for Larissa. She took Walt with her; they've been gone for a week. She was really upset and she never even told her dad what happened. After all this she doesn't want her dad to think of you horribly. The best you can do for Carrie at this point in time is to give her space to breathe. Let her cool down before you try anything. I am warning you though mister, if you love her you will not so much as think about other girls as anything more than a friend. She loves you and she needs time to think things over, coming back and seeing you with another girl will only destroy whatever chances you ever had after what you did." I was looking at him with contempt, I knew his track record with Donna La Donna and I didn't want Carrie going through all that again.

Back in Manhattan

Carrie P.O.V

"Hello, Interview magazine. Carrie speaking, how may I help you?" I asked as I answered the phone, "No I'm sorry Larissa is out of the office at the moment and won't be back for some time, can I take a message? No okay, have a good day." It was like this most days, everyone wanted Larissa and at the moment nobody could have her. I was the closest they could get to talking to Larissa but in Manhattan the golden rule is 'close enough, not good enough' everything had to be perfect. That's the thing about big cities; nobody had time for screw ups so it was either perfect or you'd lose your head to the big bosses all over the city. Sometimes I feel like the city is pulsating with the people's fear of screwing up and upsetting their bosses. But then there are people like Larissa and Bennet who have to live the way they do because they live in their jobs, sometimes they get exhausted and then the rest of the time they live it up. They have it better then a lot of other people here in Manhattan and I was so lucky to be able to share this with them.

As soon as I put the phone back on its holster the elevator doors opened to reveal Walt and lunch. I told Nancy that I was going on my lunch break and she soon took over so I could go and join Bennet and Walt at Bennet's station for lunch. Walt had brought in a Caesar salad for me and juice as well as a water bottle for the rest of the day. Walt had taken to making sure I ate healthy. He was stuck reading only health magazines at the grocers he worked at. They were big on making sure the people of Manhattan had a place to shop that was only stocked in healthy foods and products and Walt had really taken to the idea. So much so everything we ate was healthy and the recipes we used for breakfast, lunch and dinner were from health magazines. So there we all were enjoying lunch at Bennet's desk when Nancy came up to me and said that a gentleman was waiting at the front desk for me and that he insisted that he see me. Walt and Bennet shot me a look of worry as I placed my lunch down and headed for the front desk.

**Who do you think is at the front desk? Could it be Sebastian or George? Maybe it's Carrie's dad with news. Stay tuned to find out.**

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	3. Author's Note

Authors note: I am sorry I know you are hoping for an update and I swear I am writing one and as such the penance for making you guys wait so long for this update I will make it longer I have just been so busy lately you have no idea.

I have been re-watching the series to get further inspiration for this update and I promise I will not stop until I have succeeded in making the update happen. Please if you have any suggestions on what I should do next or add in feel free to PM me or leave your comments in a review.

Hoping to update ASAP,

Yours faithfully,

Pip0937


	4. Life's Perspective

_Previously: _

_So there we all were enjoying lunch at Bennet's desk when Nancy came up to me and said that a gentleman was waiting at the front desk for me and that he insisted that he see me. Walt and Bennet shot me a look of worry as I placed my lunch down and headed for the front desk. _

Carrie P.O.V

Like most things in life we over think, and when Nancy came up to me and said an man insisted that he see me I honestly had a flash of panic come over me. But as it turns out it was my dad waiting at reception. As soon as I saw him I invited to come and sit with Bennet, Walt and I whilst we had lunch. Dad was just checking in with me to see I wasn't in trouble and checking in on Walt because his parents asked him to. Once he was certain that we were fine he promised to check in same time next week and then he was off to meet Harlan Silver for lunch. Once he was gone Walt looked at me and said, "Am I the only one worried that was going to be that guy we bumped into the other day? I mean your dad tells his dad everything and surely he knows that if he wants to know where you are to just ask his dad. He did seem really eager to see you." Poor Bennet looked out of place and like he understood this was a boy problem just one he knew not the detail of. Walt was right though, for a second I had thought George had found out where I was and going to confront me. "Am I missing something?" Bennet said looking between the worried look on Walt's face and mine which I was sure mirrored Walt's, maybe I should give Bennet the details of the train wreck that was my history with George Silver.

I turned to face Bennet and started to explain what happened between George Silver and I. "I had a run in with an ex the other day, he wanted to talk but I obviously not wanting to visit any old wounds ran off, we didn't exactly end things on great terms and the downside to the messy break up is that our fathers are best friends." Bennet gave me that look that screamed 'give me details' so I sat back down in my chair and started from the beginning. "I met George at my old internship, well actually that's not true we met when I was younger. I was four at the time and he was seven, his father had taken him out of the city to get away from it for a while, he rubbed poison ivy all over me. He was so good looking and charming but I was still a bit hung up on Sebastian dating a girl that despises me and declined his invitation to go to his mother Kik's soirée. After much convincing from the girls though I ended up going and he treated me like a princess even though everyone else looked down on me. After one of his mothers episodes though I found out that his mother was best friends with mine and after finding that out she gave us her blessing. George and I dated happily for a few months and I brought him to a school dance, which was where everything went pear shaped. Needless to say he tried to push me into something I didn't want to do and I broke up with him. I haven't seen him since. Well up until a few days ago." Bennet looked at me with pride and sadness, Walt too.

"Carrie that was really brave of you to do, in this day and age girls still don't understand that they can say no if they don't feel comfortable doing something let alone leave the guy if he keeps pressuring you. It isn't safe to be with someone like that. It's just sad that people and girls in particular are so blinded by what they think is love that they can't see that what they're doing isn't healthy." The way Bennet talked about what I did and how brave I was changed how I saw things, I never realised that some girls do stuff because they think that they love the person hurting them. I imagine that makes it hard for girls, growing up and learning about how true love is forever and that when a guy you love comes along you keep him not matter what because that's what happens to the fairytale princesses. Nobody knows if Snow White grew sad and missed the days when she cared for the seven dwarfs or if Cinderella grew bored of balls and fancy dresses. We grow up with the expectations that once we fall in love that's when everything is perfect, but life is far from perfect. Life is hard and most of the times what we enjoy only makes things harder for us in the end.

Thinking like that made me think of Maggie, as much as I am mad at her for what she did she embodies the type of girl that will fall for the wrong type of guy and end up hurt. We've been friends for so long that being mad at her hurts but I also know that I need to keep my ground. Maggie is just starting to realise her actions have consequence and losing me is one. Walt looked down at his watch and relayed that lunch break was over and hugged both Bennet and I before heading back to work. I cleared up the rubbish from lunch and took my water bottle to the reception desk and resumed manning the phone lines.

Maggie P.O.V

This sucks, I know that what I did was wrong but I thought my friendship with Carrie was stronger than that. Sometimes I really wish we were kids again so that we didn't have to worry about boys and college and what we are going to do after we graduate. I don't have a clue what I am going to do, my options are get a crappy dead end job here or marry someone because there isn't any money for me to go to college, a scholarship would help but that would mean being like Mouse and have to study constantly and there was no way I was that desperate. So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. It didn't help I kept falling back into Simon's arms, well the back seat of his police cruiser to be exact.

Why couldn't I be more like Carrie or Mouse? They have drive and support of their parents, what do I have? Nothing, I am going to be stuck in Castlebury forever. Not that it matters anymore what I think about them, I don't even want to think about Walt and Carrie but I lose Mouse by default, she was always more team Carrie so I won't have her side. Not that I deserve to have Mouses back, I did kiss Sebastian. Speak of the devil here he comes; I thought I'd be alone with my thoughts at the park. "What is with you shooting whatever chances I have with Carrie in the face? We'd JUST made up when you blurted out that we'd kissed. I thought that with the way she acted finding out about her dad making out in his car with a woman that you'd keep from her the fact that we kissed. Now she's run off to the city for god knows how long and Mouse has told me to stay away." He looked both angry and sad, like I had enough on my plate without him adding to my problems, "I love her Maggie and after this, well I hope to god I get another shot because I can't lose her. She means more to me than anything else and if I lose that I have no idea what I will do." Now I felt terrible, more so than before.

"I know, I know I stuffed up big. Do you think I wanted to hurt Carrie? I've known her since kindergarten, she's been with me through everything and I went and screwed it up like I screwed everything up. I can't have anything perfect in my life because god be damned if I am happy for an extended period. But you aren't perfect yourself. You had to tell me about Walt, do you have any idea what it is like to be told that the person you love could never love you? No you don't. I spend two years feeling like crap because I thought Walt didn't like me or my body but no I had to find out after two years that it was him, not me that had problems. So yeah you might have Carrie pissed at you for kissing me and hiding her dads secret but at least she loves you." The tears were pouring down my face, talking about Walt brought up everything and managed to make me feel like I was Niagara Falls.

I got up and started to walk away from him, being near him made me worse, "Look maybe it would be best if we stayed away from each other. Carrie and I may not be friends anymore but that doesn't mean that I don't care about her, that's why I told her. So for her sake stay away from me, you were cool but together we are just volatile for Carrie. I don't want to hurt her more than I already have." And with that I walked away, to where? Anywhere, I just needed to put as much distance between Sebastian Kidd and myself as possible.

AN:

You have no idea how long I have wanted to update but I got stuck so I decided to push myself. Like one of the many advice blogs I have read on being a writer said you can't always wait for inspiration to hit you. To be a writer sometimes means doing actual work, to sit down for hours and push yourself. So I stopped waiting for inspiration and I watched the episodes over again and had my reviews next to me to push me forward.

To those who reviewed, thank you. You people with your lovely comments are what keep me going. If I didn't have half the reviews that I have gotten then I don't think I would have continued with this. You guys are my rock.

Much love,

Pip0937


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